headaches

lately i find myself unable to stay without a headache. I've found amounts of stress or frustrations for me flares up throbbing head stiff neck and general feeling bad. i take Tylenol and maybe its lulls it awhile but the second anything gets to me it comes back full force.

Ive always gotten these headaches..certain times time they seem UN controllable

lost

I have been so lost for so long and it includes my blogs my writings and my life. Ive spent so much time in my head these past few months ive forgotten to take stock and write it all down. sometimes i feel so hurt and buried inside myself i forget what i have to offer. I forget that every experience i have can be used as a way of learning hoping giving and passing on.

Being alone is safe. Being invisible is safe

Sometimes I get tired of being invisible. There are benefits. No one sees you
No one expects you to talk. But no one ever says You're good at that.
Or You look nice today. Instead they look through you
and notice the color of the wallpaper. Sometimes it makes me crazy. I want to scream Notice me. The wallpaper's nice, but so am I. I'm here. I'm not invisible. Just hard to see. But I never do. On the whole, you get used to it. being invisible is
safer,

making a difference

im tired of being silent regarding my thoughts on child abuse...i want to make a difference.

right thing to do

wish I wasn't such an emotional person..my feelings get hurt so easy..say an unkind word to me and my heart sinks...

God uses me and many times its not in a pretty way..like when people look down on me with disapproving eyes..thinking about me that I'm yet another succer getting used.. because im doing something that they'd never do..times when I do more then what someone may deserve to help them out because it's the right thing to do..none of us deserve a thing..we should all be doing Gods work as we are his servants..I didn't know this morning when I got up that God would place me in a position to help out a family memeber and not be thrilled..but my heart is content because it is RIGHT! Have you ever done anything out of the kindness of your heart..and not because you were gonna get something?

fears

I have fear, fear that I am not good enough, that I wasn’t good enough, that I might be insane, or damaged, or that it’s all my fault that I am where I am, that I’ve lost who I am. Those thoughts and fears torture me late into the night, Did I fail?  What did I do wrong?  What did I not do at all?  Do I really deserve to be broken, splintered, like a glass thrown against a wall  did I cause myself to break?

back

A journal gives you sacred space to be

so many different things have been taking my time lately
the kids..work..myself...